An interesting discussion on Yahoo! Shine today over whether or not women should continue to take their husband's last name. My thoughts on this are a little conflicted, but I think it's kind of lame that in this day and age it's becoming an issue along the lines of "Will you breastfeed?" "Will you return to work or stay at home after the baby's born?" Does my decision affect you in any way? Exactly, it doesn't.
Here's my thinking: Keeping my last name doesn't mean I love my husband any less. It doesn't mean I'm spitting on who he is and the "gift" that he's offering me by way of "giving" me his last name. Keeping my last name doesn't necessarily mean I don't want to "lose" who I am, although that does play into it. Really, I'd be hesitant to change my name because why should I have to? Yes, marriage is a way to show the world that you've chosen this person to be your mate for life, to build a family with, share the good and the bad with. Does having different last names make one less of a family? My daughter has her father's name, does that make her less my daughter because he and I made that decision? I don't even understand the whole "I want our kids to all have the same last name" argument. By virtue of the choices I made my children will not all have the same last name. I think it's silly to base a marriage on whether the woman takes the man's last name. To me that's utter ridiculousness. I have to prove I love my man by taking his last name? Shouldn't I have proved my love by now and that's why we're even getting married?
To the argument that it's just a name I say, if it's just a name then why aren't we seeing more men change to the woman's last name? It's a male pride, patriarchal, traditional viewpoint. In Latin American countries the children get the mother's name....so there!
One of my mom's friends is a doctor. Her doctor name is Dr. Maiden Name. Her social name is Mrs. Married Name. She chose to go by her maiden name professionally because her parents scrimped and saved to send her to college and later medical school. By using her maiden name in her profession she was honoring her parents who sacrificed to get her where she is. My cousin is Jane Maiden Name professionally as well. I think part of the reason is because she was slightly older when she married her second husband and well established in her field. Socially she's Jane Married Name. My coworker didn't take her husband's name until they had been married a good 10 years. And not only that but their children have HER last name because they weren't married when the kids were born. Talk about unconventional! My aunt changed her name the moment she got back from her honeymoon. All of my aunts took their husband's names. The young women at my job all change their names, at least on their email.
I guess I'm a little (ok more than a little) cynical. I'm not in love, have no intentions of being in love anytime soon, so it's hard to imagine wanting to change my name for someone. And while I pray my marriage lasts I realize that many don't. And now you're stuck with the name of the person you used to be married to. My feeling is that down the line changing your name will be seen as something personal, along the lines of deciding to breastfeed or not. Who knows, I might change my last name to my husbands once all those fuzzy warm feelings kick in. Sonya Stephens Kodjoe has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Yes We Can!! Yes We Did!!!
Tonight was a historic night, one that I doubt my grandparents ever thought they'd see. One that my Grandpa Stephens didn't live to see. One that Uncle Sellars, Uncle Rose, and Uncle Bobby didn't get to see either. After 17 months of bitter campaigning, wonderous highs and profound lows Barack Obama won enough delegates to become the presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party for the 2008 Presidential Election.
For those of you living under a rock Barack Obama is the first black man to become the nominee of a major party - Ever. To be honest, I felt the same way my grandparents probably feel, that I'd never see the day that a black man could become president. I thought I'd see a woman in office before a black person of either gender.
I want to end on a positive note about what is rather than what may not have happened. Barack Obama won an amazing race. As soon as he stepped out of the tunnel tonight for his speech tears came to my eyes. I rarely cry tears of joy in this fashion. I tilted my face to the sky and praised God for allowing me to see this day and giving Barack Obama the opportunity to turn this country around. I thank Him for showing the greatness of this country, for the voters who could see past race and vote based on the issues, based on who they think will truly do a better job than the one we've gotten for the last 8 years. I blessed the Lord for now being able to honestly tell my children, "Yes baby, you can be President of the United States"
Here are my reasons for supporting Obama, as I was quoted on Glamocracy, a blog on Glamour.com
"I'm backing Barack Obama because he radiates sincerity. He's not the typical
politician in my eyes. Sure, he's a polished and powerful speaker, but it's more
than that. His proposals on immigration, health care, the war, fall right in
line with what I feel. So add his views to his messages of change and hope and I
feel that this country can turn the page from Bush and his shenanigans. His
campaign is completely grassroots. Plus, Obama.Is.Hot"
For those of you who missed Obama's speech here's the link I got off of his website, http://www.barackobama.com/
Tonight a battle was won. The war still continues and I know that Barack Obama is the right Commander in Chief for the job.
Yes We Can '08!!!!
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