A Year in Review

Wow - What a difference a year makes. It occured to me tonight that D and I'd been living together for a year. A year! A year on my own to really find out who I am. Those of you who know me know how independent I am and how much I wanted to get out of my parents house. I was literally suffocating. The freedom I feel cannot be described.



One of the largest blessings has been how mine and D's friendship has grown. I realized over 4 years ago what her friendship means to me, but it's different when you live with someone. God truly blessed me with a sister of the heart. It's not a permanent slumber party by any means. I do things that get on her nerves, and she for daggone sure gets on mine (love you!) but knowing there's someone close to me who has my back is priceless. She once again showed the depths of her friendship. Who couldn't love someone like that?



Ok enough of that. My allergies are acting up....

This time last year I was fresh off my trip to the Bahamas. Beautifully bronzed, braids swinging down my back (more on those horrific things later), reeling from how much it costs to move, and nursing a deeply bruised heart (No regrets though!). I was preparing to go back to school and had no idea what I was in for. I was sleeping on an air mattress because I had to save up for a bed. Whatever you do, do not move anywhere without a bed. It.Is.The.Worst.

The thing was...I LOVED IT!!!!! I loved coming home and cooking dinner for my daughter and my BFF. I loved cleaning my room and my bathroom and making sure everything was put away nice and neatly. I loved leaving a mess if I wanted to because as Eddie Murphy said in Delirious "It's my mf'in house!." When someone asked where I lived I could proudly say "A townhouse in Vienna." Yeah, bougie as hell but I LOVED IT!!! I bought little odds and ends to make the house look like I lived there. Mine and Sassy's pictures were set up, her books on the bookshelf, toys in the corner.

One of the reasons I didn't get married when I had the opportunity was because I'd never lived on my own. Living in a parentally funded apt in college doesn't count. I'd never depended on me. I had no idea what my capabilities were. I didn't want to wake up, 35 years old, realizing I'd never walked into my home. I'd never made the decision about what color comforter to get and not had to run it by someone first. I'd never paid my bills with my money. I'd never stressed about robbing Peter to pay Paul. Sounds crazy, but I wanted all of that. I wanted to see how strong I could be if the need arose.

More than the things above, more than my friendship with D, more than doing for myself, was the fact that I'd always been a parent with someone hovering over me. Every decision I made was open to discussion. That openness was definitely not by choice. I know my parents tried, but what grandparent can keep quiet and not say "You're being too hard?" Having my child all to myself on our days together has taught me alot about being a parent. I'm not perfect. I don't try to be. What I do try to be is someone my child can look up to and say "she gave me everything she could." Hearing Sassy say "Mommy, are we going to our house?" brings me joy. Showing her how to be a strong, independent woman brings me joy. I love having "our house."

So, I look forward to the upcoming year. I look forward to what the changes I'm making in my career will bring. I look forward to dating again (shocking!) I look forward to taking Sassy to Disneyworld. I look forward to making new friends and strengthening ties with the ones I have. I just plain ol' look forward to what tomorrow will bring. I've come this far by faith, and He's never failed me yet!!!